One year ago today, my Papa entered through the gates of heaven. As I sit here trying to have my quiet time, I realize I can't. The sudden rush of memories flood my mind and I can't concentrate. And then, as if God is telling me it's ok, He puts upon my heart to write about what happened the weeks leading up to his death, the day of and the funerals. I realize that I have never publicly told anyone what God taught me during that time. The only people that know would be my family, my mentor and best friend. So I decided it would probably relieve a lot of the heartache that I have, if I just wrote it all out. So here it goes........
My grandpa had surgery sometime I think. Not sure of the dates, but it honestly doesn't matter. He was in the hospital up to the week before his death. I remember visiting him in the hospital for the first time and being extremely nervous. I had been in the hospital before, but had almost fainted because it was "too clean." I hated hospitals, but knew that I had to go see my Papa. He was drugged when I visited, so he didn't really know I was there. He looked so peaceful. I would visit him from time to time and unfortunately, not as often as I should've, which is something I regret. I do remember the one time I did visit and it was with my parents and brothers. It was on this one visit that my mom told me that they didn't think he would get to go home again. For the first time, it hit me that I might lose my Papa and I wasn't sure how to adequately respond with my emotions. I was mad at my parents for telling me, mad at God and extremely upset and cried constantly. Needless to say, that honestly, I visited him a little more often then, but still not like a granddaughter should.
Since he was drugged, I don't think he really knew when I would visit anyways. I would sit by his bed, hold his hand and pray for God to do a miracle. I wasn't ready to lose him yet. One particular Wednesday before a class at TJC, I decided to go by and see him. Mom had already been there and told me that he was very alert today. I went and my aunt just happened to be the only one there. My grandma, uncle and mom were out looking for plots for the grave. I wasn't going to accept that. He was extremely alert that day and it almost made me question whether or not, he was going to die soon. I continued to have that thought, as I kept praying, in a nice way, that God would provide a way for my aunt to leave the room. I wanted to talk to my Papa alone and He did. My uncle called my aunt and she stepped out into the hallway to talk. I struggled with actually talking to him, but I knew that since God had provided this door of opportunity I might as well take it.
It ended up being a day that I will never forget. I got up and went to stand by his bed. I grabbed his hand and told him that I wasn't ready to let him go. He looked at me and said, "I know, but it's my time." As if I had been hit by brick, I started sobbing. I said, "Please take me with you." He smiled and said that it wasn't my time. We both sat there in silence and after a minute, I said, "I'll finish the dollhouse for Madeline." The dollhouse was something that my grandpa had started for my mom when she was little, but never finished. I found it a few years ago and I wanted to finish it with Papa. We never got to work on it. Another regret. But when I told him that I would finish it for Madeline, my cousin, he smiled and closed his eyes. After a moment, he said, "It doesn't have to have electricity." I laughed and said, "It's going to have electricity and all the works." My aunt walked in around that time and I had to leave for class. I kissed him and left. In the parking lot, God touched me in a way I have never been touched before. It was as if God was saying, "Let him go. He's ready." I started sobbing as I released him over to God and told God to do His will, whatever that was. Even if it meant taking away my Papa. That was the last time he was that alert. Another regret I had was leaving. I should've stayed and enjoyed that precious moment with him since he was still alert and talking.
That was on a Wednesday and on the next Monday we moved him into Hospice. The Hospice in Tyler, was wonderful and I was glad he was there. My grandma had a CD player going at all times, playing some of the greatest hymns. He looked so peaceful lying in bed with the sweet music filling the room. I went there very often to visit him and one of the days I was there, my grandma and mom had to go out and talk to a nurse. I was honestly, very scared to be left alone with him. If he died, I don't know what I would do. Trying to stay calm, I began singing along to the hymns and pacing around the room. He loved it when I sang, so I prayed that it brought some comfort. He did manage a smile at one point, which made me happy. Singing, calmed me down to some point and ended up singing to all of the songs on the CD. After singing, I felt of sense of peace fill the room and it calmed me down. I then, felt prepared for whatever happened.
On Sunday, March 6 my Papa, Harold Pigg left this earth and is now residing in his heavenly home. When he died, I was in the waiting room with my friend, Jennifer Settles. As we were studying and on our computers, my mom came in. Her eyes were puffy and red and she said, "He's gone." I nodded and said, "Praise the Lord." I didn't cry, but acknowledged the fact that she had told me he had died. We immediately left packed up and left Hospice. We met the rest of family at my grandma's house and had a sweet time of fellowship and food. Then the planning began. We were to have to two funerals. One in Tyler and one in Dallas, since my parents were there. Thursday was the first funeral, which was in Tyler. It was at Green Acres chapel and my family got there early. While we were waiting in the parlor, I began to think about how I was going to react. I figured I wouldn't cry since I hadn't cried when he died, well I was wrong. My family walked in and sat on the first row. The pastor got up to pray and I lost it. I didn't stop crying till after we left the graveside several hours later. After the funeral, my family stood at the front of the chapel while friends and family came by to hug us and share sympathy. I was an emotional wreck and I hated that I looked the way I did. They kept playing the slideshow of pictures and those images were being shown right above and making it so much harder. My friends came to the funeral and I was so happy that they were there. They didn't know my grandpa that well, but they were there for me and my family. It made me feel loved.
While it's only been a year, God has taught me so much. I have learned to cherish the little memories that occur within my family. I have had such a wonderful time reliving and rekindling some of those memories that I had forgot about. I have gone to Waxahachie twice this year, which is my grandpa's hometown. Driving through that town, the memories flooded my mind and it brought such a sense of peace. I also have learned to trust God in whatever circumstances occur within my life. I also strive everyday to make my grandpa proud and I know that he would be if he could read my newspaper articles or even see me. I hope that I continue to make him proud. I am so blessed with my family. They are always there for me and are full of encouragement.
I thank God for doing what he has done in my life and is continuing to do.
